Denise's Blueberry Patch

Winter is forgotten

Spring is finally here, with summer fast on its heels. I bought a pumpkin plant two weeks ago and in my excitement put it in the ground … mid-May … but the nights were too cold. Sadly, it withered up and it's one leaf fell off. I'm leaving it for dead, but if it springs back to life will report on it here. Pumpkins are, I’ve since learned, quite fussy about being replanted.  Had quite a patch going last year after starting them in the house, then we left for a month and upon our return the local wildlife snacked on them. On the other hand, tulip bulbs I brought from the states two years ago and planted are coming up all over for the first time, some in places I forgot I put them. I assumed they had gotten moldy or all dried up, and was so bummed. So I decided to just forget about them and move on to mastering other plants like ... pumpkins ... strawberries ... and indoor African violets. Suffice it to say my gardening forays have been less than successful in nearly every category. There are onions among the strawberries this year...an anomaly one can only assume is the result of my forgetting to take all the onions out last year.  So when these tulips started blooming all around the property can you just imagine my shock? My joy? So it's good to forget a thing - the beauty of it then takes you by surprise later and you enjoy it that much more. The next time I purpose to forget something, I'm going to try to remember that. It’s beauty like this that makes me forget and put behind me the never-ending darkness of Estonian winter:

Flowers are incredibly pleasing to look at, but I love looking at my man just as much! He planted grass seed a few days ago and has been doing a great job tending it. I appreciate everything he is and does. He is such a hard worker. I’m incredibly fortunate to be married to him! He has made me forget the long and often lonely twenty years of being single.

Then of course there's our darling daughter, about to turn three and pretty much game to do anything we do, as long as it's "upside" or going to the "tore" or "Penny house," her three favorite places in the world right now. She helped her dad shovel dirt for hours this day, then followed me as I pulled weeds. Every day with her is a gift, and I have completely forgotten how excruciating it was to bring her into this world or how long I waited to be a mom.

Our friend "Ellali" was kind enough to push her on her swing last week. It just thrills my heart when other people's children are nice to her. I want to raise Olivia to be kind to everyone. I never realized a parent derived encouragement from the way other kids behave towards their own - but now I know. These kinds of moments are really beautiful for me as a mom, and I forget about the bad things someone said or did to me in the presence of that type of kindness. Someone who shows kindness to Olivia is being kind to me, whether or not they realize it. I hope I have the grace and wisdom to know how to teach Olivia this.  That verse in Proverbs (31:26) comes to mind, "She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness." I guess the challenge for me - here - is to forget how to be unkind. Is that even possible?

Thus begins our spring - forgetting what's past and moving on. That is, essentially, why spring is my ultimate favorite season. I am not looking forward to the long summer of weeding, but at that moment when I don't want to pull another weed for as long as I live, autumn will arrive to make me forget all about the sweaty, buggy chore it is to tend a yard and garden!

Believe me when I say...

It is a challenge for me to keep house. My husband captured a moment last week on his mobile phone camera: the end of my big re-org project. I had removed all the pots, pans, dishes, serving bowls, and pantry items to make room for additional kitchen cabinetry. That was the easy part…taking stuff out. Putting it back took me two days.

Housekeeping has been this mountain I’ve been climbing ever since Olivia was born; hopefully soon I'll reach the peak - a moment I imagine involves discovering my own personal rhythm and taking great joy in doing it from then on. Kind of like going downhill. Still on the steep side of the climb right now, and am sorta missing those 9-5 days when I only had a cubicle to clean. Then, my idea of a chore was to spritz my computer monitor and blow a can of air at my keyboard. Cooking basically meant going on a coffee and donut run for my office mates (Dunkin's in Boston, Starbucks in Los Angeles). I was salaried for cleaning up data and Powerpoints, not evaluated on how sparkly my windows (or daughter and husband) are. I’m not a complete stranger to housekeeping, but if you’d met me five years ago and seen my apartment, you’d have seen a minimalist space with little to keep clean. Just the sand I'd track in from walking barefoot on the beach. :)

I’d all but given up on being a mom and wife. Now, I’m living the life I always wanted, and guess whose life that was? It wasn't the one on the beach, it was my grandmothers!  She was married late in life like me, had a girl like me, and lived in the country like me. God is good. He doesn’t forget the desires of our hearts, those things we know we want from a very early age. In this way, He has proven one of His promises to me, Psalm 37:4 "Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart."

I love thinking about how and why I’m here now. Another verse tells me that God delights in His Son  (2 Corinthians 4:6).  I think it’s quite remarkable that even though I was always in church for my entire adult life, I didn’t look at His Son Jesus the way He wanted. When I did, though, within months my life turned completely around. I’m thankful He placed people in my life to help me get a right view of His Son, Jesus Christ. He is everything! Once I started becoming really interested and amazed by the person of Christ, who He is, what He is all about, etc., God started changing my life.

Yet my experiences aren’t enough to convince others to believe in Jesus. Rather, they are for my own faith. My mom, Matt and I looked at John 7:17 this week on Skype and had a great conversation about how God proves Himself to us; “If any man will do his will, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it be of God, or whether I speak of myself.”  He was talking to the Galilean Jews, who were having a hard time believing the doctrine Jesus was teaching.  Jesus was saying that if they/we did what God wanted, they would have their evidence, internally and personally (of the living God whose word of promise never fails). God the Father and the Holy Spirit would give them certainty. They thought maybe Jesus was a deceiver. It’s like when I tell people sugar is toxic, or the ability of certain technologies in the right hands of a homeopath to cure illness. Most won't just take my word for it. They want a dissertation published by the New England Journal of Medicine, or an endorsement by the entire western medical community in favor of a treatment. It’s so much WORK to try to be the convincer.  My family’s treatment and subsequent healing of disease or ailments with Dr. Kaubisch’s EDS and homeopathic remedies hasn’t convinced anyone, for example. But when someone does have an open mind and heart, and really listens, and then acts upon what they’ve heard, it’s so wonderful, I can’t even describe. It’s like sharing a big secret together; there’s relief that someone else knows, joy to know they are helped, and an instant bond. They can now share with you in the success of their healing, or better health, or more energy, or whatever. It encourages me to keep up with it myself. Is there anything you've tried to convince someone of, or teach? It's hard, isn't it? In the spiritual realm, God’s Holy Spirit is the Convincer. He does all that work. When we let Him, that is.

My mother shared with us her experience of God’s comfort in her time of grief – a very real joy that only God can possibly give someone during loss. She was aware of when and where she was being comforted. I can be glad for her; but I cannot base my belief on her experience.  It’s an act of faith to just believe in something. After a while who wants to talk about it anymore, if no one will believe? Talk about discouraging. No wonder preachers leave the ministry, and missionaries the field. I wonder if it's because they think they are supposed to do the work of the Convincer, instead of being convinced themselves.

Okay, so this week I’m going to share a recipe for a general surface antiseptic cleanser that I’m using everywhere. Question IS…will you believe me when I tell you it’s the best?? Cleaning is SO SO SO much more enjoyable using something that I’m not afraid to inhale or get on my skin, or rinse down the sink. I’m calling it my “Minty Spray.”

• 16 oz or 700 ml. distilled or purified water
• 3 big squirts of clear dish soap
• 20 drops Peppermint essential oil

I'm also using Peppermint Vinegar water (mostly vinegar with enough peppermint oil to cut the odor and a little bit of water) to keep lime build up down in my shower. It really works. Even spritzed it in my hair after shampooing and heard my hair literally squeak. No kidding!!! Thinking of making a separate bottle with apple cider vinegar instead, for hair. The white vinegar is a wee strong.